GreyFox_Ninja's Xanga

Monday, January 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 04:29:14 GMT

I come here, because....everyone can read anything I post elsewhere;
and I've done nothing but gripe.
But, damn.
Im just done.
With being in these shoes.
Which steps they take...
...take me no where.
Near, what, I think I want.
Not just anyone, but, someone.
Start with understanding. Start with it being okay.
Im ready to be me, but how did it come about, that I've lost everyone who I can be me too.
I don't feel comforerable around anyone, anymore.
I don't want them to know, that Im still tearing apart inside.
I don't want to be honest. Im ashamed. Im scared. But how can you blame me.
It was pride and courage, that got me here.
Im even sick of turning inward. And my one last escape, just escaped.

It dosnt matter what I change around me.
Nothing actually changes. Here or there.
I hang out with myself.
I sleep alone.

How pathetic I have become.
I dont even hunt for sympothy. It dosnt do anything, anymore.
I just.......

huh.

And another heavy sigh.
As I try to sleep, on these thoughts, again.
Smile.

Then, tommorow.
Everything is better.

Goodnight, me.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:31:21 GMT

BAM! So this race goes...
Mistake after mistake, decision after decision.
Wronged after wronged, fall after fall.
Ive taken this burden, Ive taken this plunder.
Ive made a mark, but left no dent at all.
Seeminly pointless, but making every point.
All that is had, is all that is well if gone.
Giving an ear, attatched to a hand
being the once in a while
complimited man
with words blessed on
making things right
in your eyes its clear
for a number of more meaningless nights
yet still one races on, as fast as he may
whighed with the burdon, thats sure to place him last
with no understandable reason as of why
i must continue
to be "the nice guy"

ARE

YOU

BLIND?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:08:45 GMT

UNFINISHED:

This is, I suppose, how this narriration goes.

Jack lay there not sure if this is where he should be. "Should", being based off his own moral standards. He had spent his later schooling, resisting the temptation to have sex with women he didnt know, or wasn't in a serious relationship with. For the longest time, if he couldnt say "I Love you" and mean it, then we wasnt getting laid. This moral standing lasted him the whole way to his first wife, so he had viewed it for the longest time as a worthy investment, only ever saying and meaning "I love you", to one woman.

It had never really crossed his mind, or upset him that he wouldnt experiance another woman, that was mainly, because he was confident that he never would have too. He was confident his marrige would last, just as he was confident that saving himself for, "the one", was the right thing to do. It was worth it, untill nine years into the marrige, it turnned out it was all just a waste of time.

His reconsideration is how he found himself now, her, with her arm resting limp across his chest. It came apon him a year after the bitter drag of a divorce, that maybe sex was nothing, in fact. He had saved it for the one woman, just for it to turn out, she wasnt her.

In fact, he now pondered on the idea of their even being "one".

She was a different feel than his ex wife, much taller, and only half as thick, from a cultural standpoint, she was hot, and he enjoyed that. For as perfect as he had assumed his wife had been in bed, he was happy to find that there were, in fact, better. He himself felt good once, as he now felt he was in fact as good as he had been told he was for so many years.

More than anything though, he was happy she was a simple woman, and open for a simple relationship. With this new found view on the idea a relationship can be as simple as sex, and not as complex as love, was working well for him. They saw each other when they could, and didnt bitch when the other couldnt. He wasnt an on call theropist for her, in fact, she was quite indipendent. That was her best trait. He almost felt bad, as he didnt really care if he was still with her the next week, or not.

He wondered if this is how the jocks felt when he was in highshool, saving himself for nothing, while ever

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 19:48:20 GMT

In the late 1980's, 200km north Galzburg, South Africa, a legendary mercenary founded a fortified state, which would come to be known as....Outer Heaven. Home to mercenaries from around the world, Outer Heaven is a heavily fortified, heavily defended, and heavily guarded stronghold of soldiers, with nothing more to live for,than war.

Today, 1995....an unknown source claiming to be the leader of an Outer Heaven resistance contacts the United States, claiming that Outer Heaven has managed to hijack a flight carrying a world leading weapons developer and nuclear engineer, Dr. Drago Pettrovich Madnar.With a leading nuclear weapons developer in the arms of a independent state, fighting for military superiority, the world has reason to worry. Eyes fall upon the organization of FOXHOUND, a U.S. special forces group based out of the USA, that specializes in single man infiltration and special operations....

Big Boss:

"...Thats where you come in."
"Our source claims to have been the lead engineer during the original construction of Outer Heaven"
"Why he came to us, we do not know, but for now...we have to trust him, considering the fact that Outer Heaven may, in fact, have the capability to use nuclear weapons by now."
"Your jump landing will place you close to an escape hatch buried deep with in the jungle, that we will use for our entry method...."
"...once you find the hatch, it will open to a ladder that leads to the lowest level of the fortress...."
"...resistance should minimum, since were coming in the back door. You may loose signal with us, so let me remind you..."
"...stealth is key priority, were not looking to start a war..."
"...once your in, you have two main objectives; make contact with the resistance leader, you can keep in radio contact using the frequency 120.79...
"...finally, recon on any nuclear means that Outer Heaven may be capable of, and render them useless, using what ever means necessary."
"Commencing operation: Intrude N313. Good luck....Fox."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:04:09 GMT

Metal Gear: Redo:

Big Boss: Commanding Officer : 120.85

Schneider: Resistance Leader in Outer Heaven.

Infiltrate via harbor/ tank hanger.

Stock yard, with truck yard to right.

Entrance front and center.

Elevator up.

Camera room “call from BB”

Rescue Hostage

Gas room “calls from BB…find Schneider”

Rescue Hostage

Hostage: “Thanks for saving me. The foxhound member that infiltrated this base a few days ago is unharmed. They captured him”

Rolling trap room.
Plastic explosives

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 05:15:35 GMT

I gaze into the night sky
and I find
that star I picked, so long ago
down, and to the right.

I still know its place
I know it well
it is the star in my heart,
as it always will.

If it may be
that its the first I see
then lucky for me
that happy you will be

For as it shines bright
I whisper the words
of all i ask
in this world of mine

Star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have this wish,
I wish tonight.

You may gaze at me
and I find
that smile i know, from so long ago
corners curled high, shining bright.

I still know its place
I know it well
it is the star in my heart,
as it always will.

If it may be
that its the first I see
then lucky for me
that happy you will be

For as it shines bright
i know wishes come true
for happiness for you
is all i ask
of this world of mine.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 00:00:18 GMT

"alright you win, but i only give you one night..
to prove yourself to be better than, my attempted flight

i swear to God if you hurt me
i will leap
i will toss myself from these very cliffs"

-Not me.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:25:52 GMT

Well well well.
Good job today.
WAY to succeed.

(not)!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 13:21:07 GMT

Im a funky disco beet that lights up street. Now everybody, through on dancin' feet.....and dance.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 01:15:39 GMT

I dont know what im doing back on xanga.

I look back, across my posts, and i was nothing but happy. Even my sad one...I can remember the times, and I smile now, because I realise how amazing those memories were.
I look back at the months past, and I do nothing but regret. I sat in an emotion...so lost, so pointless, so waisted.
I write on myspace, but thats for what...one, person to read.
I post hear, and i suppose its no better.

Maybe thats why im hear. I could say the words I wanted too to people, that i know i cant.

Well though, heres to things...being okay. In good time at least. Ive held onto all my hope...and im not letting go now. Who gives up after this long?

Not I,

..."Not I" said the knight....

....not I.